Been listening to “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle on my ipod. Oprah told me to. Trying so hard to stay positive, take things for what they are, not resist, stay light… enjoy it all. Take good with bad in stride… right?
Does your body have a physical reaction to change inside? I feel so wiped out, weepy, sick… when I hear these things about the ego and not letting it take over… that your thoughts aren’t who you are, it’s your ego… I got physically ill. Then, I started thinking some of this… the pain body thing… I don’t know if I can relate to that. Grain of salt.
Anywho… trying to stay focused, not get overwhelmed by all of this… stay organized (because I don’t know where mail is going, where anything from the store is… let alone a roll of tape…)
With this new thinking, I’m supposed to let the past go and just be. “The present is the most beautiful gift we can have” and all that jazz. Not to carry any weight from the past because it will just weigh us down, and on the same token, not to obsess on the future. Well, what if we carried that without knowing for 20-something years then just realized it was there? Can’t I stop, evaluate my passenger and figure out what to do with him? Chinese proverbs aside… this turning the other cheek thing… going to take some getting used to. But… sigh, it all makes sense. I get it. And you feel like you’ve known it all along. You DID have it inside you. Someone wise, forgiving, clean and… simple… is in you. You have a very chaotic little drama-loving child inside you, and a super wise and quiet adult. Time to let the adult put that kid to bed.
Being. My being. underneath it all. That sunrise… connection. I feel it. It’s just buried. It’s like a depeche mode song in an 80′s movie… dramatic and overly synthesized. Chemicals… hair… too much fabric. Just TOO much.
(Consequently, I didn’t finish listening to the entire book… I don’t know if you’ve read it all… but it starts out good, then gets a little Sci-Fi on you… I didn’t like it. I may pick it up again later)