Store Rants

drove past the store… new paper up up the windows signifying the exciting happenings inside, to be revealed later…. tears. I’m like a big baby… jealous and sad that the toy isn’t mine now. All that work, the hours spent in there… the packing peanuts alone. She belongs to someone else now.

Have I mentioned that moving is like pulling your intestines out through your nose? Okay, well, not really… but… ugh. There is stuff EVERYWHERE. I couldn’t find the dog this morning and I kept calling her… a bag had fallen over and she was stuck in the kitchen between a box of soda from the store, the portable dishwasher and this evil bag. Seriously… what do you do with all of this?!? I stand in the middle of it, bewildered… where does it go? What can I do with it? What is “it”? Do I need 2 caulking guns, kneepads, a wood planer, 1000 postcards from halloween 2006… what do I keep? Where is clean sweep when I need them?

(HEY, does anyone like cream soda and BOOZE in sep. bottles of course, but COME GET IT)

Should I just give up hope on our security deposits and leave it all?

Been listening to “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle on my ipod. Oprah told me to. Trying so hard to stay positive, take things for what they are, not resist, stay light… enjoy it all. Take good with bad in stride… right?

Does your body have a physical reaction to change inside? I feel so wiped out, weepy, sick… when I hear these things about the ego and not letting it take over… that your thoughts aren’t who you are, it’s your ego… I got physically ill. Then, I started thinking some of this… the pain body thing… I don’t know if I can relate to that.  Grain of salt.

Anywho… trying to stay focused, not get overwhelmed by all of this… stay organized (because I don’t know where mail is going, where anything from the store is… let alone a roll of tape…)

With this new thinking, I’m supposed to let the past go and just be. “The present is the most beautiful gift we can have” and all that jazz. Not to carry any weight from the past because it will just weigh us down, and on the same token, not to obsess on the future. Well, what if we carried that without knowing for 20-something years then just realized it was there? Can’t I stop, evaluate my passenger and figure out what to do with him? Chinese proverbs aside… this turning the other cheek thing… going to take some getting used to. But… sigh, it all makes sense. I get it. And you feel like you’ve known it all along. You DID have it inside you. Someone wise, forgiving, clean and… simple… is in you. You have a very chaotic little drama-loving child inside you, and a super wise and quiet adult. Time to let the adult put that kid to bed.

Being. My being. underneath it all. That sunrise… connection. I feel it. It’s just buried. It’s like a depeche mode song in an 80′s movie… dramatic and overly synthesized. Chemicals… hair… too much fabric. Just TOO much.

(Consequently, I didn’t finish listening to the entire book… I don’t know if you’ve read it all… but it starts out good, then gets a little Sci-Fi on you… I didn’t like it.  I may pick it up again later)

Yesterday was the last day open… ever. I mean it… no c/c machine, no logos on the window, no more…

Again, I tried my darndest to get upset and nostalgic, but it just wouldn’t happen. I think there is a rain delay.

That was funny…. tears… rain delay. bah.

What else… just figuring out what I’m going to do with all the leftover stuff and how I’m going to get it from point A to point B.

Then, after purging said stuff how are we going to get the rest of that stuff from point B to point C.

Not as overwhelmed as I thought… which is disturbing.

koo-koo for the treadmill

Been ever so busy with “stuff wrangling” and finally had some alone time… just me and the mattress and pillow. Glorious.

The treadmill and I have recently had a nasty break up, mostly due to the broken-toe triangle.

I did juuust over 3 miles tonight. Then ate my weight in chicken… with a side of mashed potatoes, corn and a biscuit. I’m a piggie.

Oh, and I failed to mention the large eclair with ice cream and WINE we are going to have later.

“yeahhh… ummm… we’re celebrating…. errr… something”
“And that would be?”
“hellifiknow… get the cork opening thing”

The treadmill is definitely my blues beater. I have been an emotional WRECK. Like… a chihuahua with ankle weights. That wasn’t funny enough… but the point has been made.

I’ve been chained to the store and needed something to get this nervous energy out.

I wrenched by back this week due to… mostly furniture related episodes of terror:

Many women buy VERY large pieces of furniture then need to SNeAK them home so hubby won’t find out. They do this while he is at work. I’m the strong one in this equation. f**k. And can someone please tell me… do men really not notice new buffet tables? New bookshelves and corner units? The amex bill? Wow… I wish I were that oblivious.

Nice couple brings in grampa to help lift the heaviest piece I have in the store. Hubby pulled his shoulder out of the whatsomocallit… the 8 year old could lift more than grampa… I was the strong one in this equation, too.

Dainty little girl with a baby is getting like, 5 pieces of furniture. She points to a car up the street… I’m like “Oh, the explorer way up there! Please pull forward!” No… no… it’s the HUGE bronco LIFTED 14 feet into the air with a “for sale” sign in the back window. I can feel her husband’s masculinity fading from existence… baby is born, he has to trade in the monster truck for a toyota minivan, I’m suspecting. So, this tiny little woman climbs up into this thing, almost falling twice and pulls up to the store. I can’t make this shit up… we had to lift a desk, a dresser, a chair and a shelf OVER our heads as this lady is balancing on a ball hitch in pink uggs with little pom-poms and pushing it all in while someone held the baby. How has she not dropped that baby on the way into her monster truck rally on wheels? ugh.

Crazy divorcee is in a HUGE hurry because she stole her ex’s suburban out of his driveway while he was at work to pick up some furniture. He doesn’t know she still has the key. Apparently, he uses the ‘burb to collect his recycling. With a full store of customers, I had to carry TWO HUGE shelving units down the stairs and somehow lift it up and over the large, stinking trash bags full of empty beer cans while she complained about his new girlfriend, the girlfriend’s tight jeans and obvious panty lines. It’s an interesting combo… the sounds of crushing beer cans, a crushed heart and my crushing spine.

Double-parking granny thinks her hazards will slow down busy boulevard traffic while I load with her dim-wit grandson. Honking, swerving and screeching… I’m still here. My nerves and back are still somewhere in the street.

Lastly… lovely asian couple, 4 ft something and tiny… buy about 3 pieces. They take the dolly and load everything in themselves, including a shelf that my husband and I struggled to move. I wanted to pay THEM for taking the stuff away!

Even with lower back screaming… I got on the treadmill… slower than usual…. but it does amazing things for my mental health. I cried over some abstract b.s. thing about my father’s hands and my knee when I was 5 and how he kissed my boo-boo. It’s a scar and now… I’m feeling quite relieved.

So, recommendation to anyone out there in a-shade-of-blue town… walk… even better, walk with music. It does wonders.

The move is coming along… we made reservations with the movers. It’s real.

Right in the middle of the going out of business sale…

I’m trying SO hard to be nice to these ladies.  To keep my cool, stay calm and give them the best help I can.

As they tear through the store, groan that discounts aren’t large enough and “stash” things on top of large cabinets or behind things, I’m trying to stand back, take a deep breath and not take it personally.

It’s SO hard.  I want to deck them.

All the negative comments… getting into my personal business, judging me and my five years of work here.  Everyone has an opinion, but why share it with me?

I’ve noticed, that the nastier the reaction… the uglier the car they own, just sayin’.

That was petty.  Sorry.

I want to keep my head up, be positive and ENJOY the store in the last 2 weeks I have it.  ONLY 2 more weeks.  ONLY SIX days open.

SIX days.

I’m already talking of opening another store… I mention this to several customers… I got this response…
“oh, the people on the east coast aren’t like the people here!  They don’t appreciate these shops!”

and you do?

Stunned faces of those who… “just like to know it’s here on the boulevard but I never come in”

They walked through my doors to tell me that they’ve never been in here.

What?????

Judge mental, one-dimensional biddies.  Have nothing better to do but put me down.

STOP caring.  Think about the money coming in.  Focus on the positives.  Don’t think about those who aren’t supportive…. ALL of them..

g2g.

Going forward… taking a deep breath and thinking what I want to do… I’ve come up with a plan of action for the next year or so:

1.  Work on my website.  Get it looking just how I want it, change the backgrounds for holidays and give it a very homey feel.  Keep it updated weekly and consistently.
2.  Start up business as an LLC or corporation.
3.  Work on my line of products.
4.  Ebay.
5.  Amazon store.
6.  Find other venues to sell your wares

**more later… someone came in and is annoying**

On a personal note…
I want to be able to deal with people better.  To make rules and stick with them and IGNORE their B.S.  People can ooze negativity and I let that get to me.  I want to be able to build an invisible fortress around me and not let their stupid energy get to me.  I want to be able to go into the world and hold onto the good energy I’ve collected.  It’s mine.  I don’t want to give it away. This applies to all of my customers, my partner, jealous family members and anyone else you encounter.

Having the store was hard because people want to be your best friend… then they try to PRY discounts, information and rule bending out of you.  I have someone in here right now, for example, who is returning a pair of earrings because when the light comes through them, they look different than up against the card. It is SO subtle and the earrings are $8.99 half off = $4.49. Now, normally, a liquidation means ALL SALES ARE FINAL… it means just that.  I told her she could pick something else out because I didn’t want to hear her b.s.  I was happier taking this negative energy, this feeling of being USED than having her ANGRY.  I’m tired of feeling this way.  I want to put their picky, ignorant, it’s all about them energy and leave it with them.  These earrings are like… $5.00.  She felt the need to drive them all the way back up here because there was a spot on them, smaller than the size of half a pea that ONLY showed up in the light (not against her head) that she didn’t like.  People like that… are sad.  People who can’t read the signs that are EVERYWHERE in HUGE BOLD marker are sad.

Another lady… a regular… ALWAYS dumps on me.   Today, her dog doesn’t like her.  It’s that simple to her…. her 6 month old puppy doesn’t like her and therefore she should get rid of it.  She admitted that she’s a negative person… and went on and on about her mother being positive.  Then wished me luck in moving… because, obviously, I would need it.  I’m so so so so so so over hearing this.

IF I do another store… I want boundaries.  I don’t want to hear about their lives.  I want to say NO to returns.  I want to be strong, set rules and STICK TO THEM.  I won’t be their friend, I won’t listen to their problems.  I will have a place they can go and shop.  Not go for therapy.

Authority… I can have a computer at the desk that I”m working at.  Have things going on.  Have a platform behind the counter that makes me taller than them.  A spotlight that shines directly into their eyes.  Alligators, spikes, cold breezes.  Make it uncomfortable for them somehow.  But only when they check out.

After announcing that I was closing the store… this is what the customers had to say:

“every time *I* find a store like this, it closes… it never fails”

“Why can’t you HOLD my item and then I’ll pick it up when then sale starts?”

“How are you EVER going to get rid of ALL this stuff? Ugh, I would hate to be you”

Screeching baby…

“What are you going to DO on the east coast??? What a terrible place? Are you happy to be going?”

“You sold me a sprung cabinet!” (I still don’t know what that means)

“My husband said I couldn’t have this cabinet, I want a refund (it’s the largest cabinet we have)”

“This dresser smells! I can’t stop sneezing! I want to return it!”

“I guess you didn’t do very well in this location, I didn’t think you would”

“I was relying on YOUR foot traffic for MY business!” Says the woman who just opened a gift store up the street. “Will you give me your mailing list? Seeing as you are leaving and I’m just starting and all…”

“I couldn’t get your attention last week and I wanted THAT shelf! And YOU sold it!!”

*****************************************************************************************

My first 50 answers were sweet, sincere and true about moving… now, this is what I’m going with… I love the reactions I get…

“I’m starting a gator farm! I love alligators!”
“Gator wresting”
“Babies. I’m making babies.”

You know, we ARE moving to the deep south and it is backwoods, redneck and people are just lurking in the bushes with shotguns, chewing on possum.

I’ve told the story of moving about 200 times. Bah.

More to write later… but need to go… I can attest, women in a sale… worse than vampire piranhas.
(you know, because now they want blood twice as bad… yeah… I’m awesome)

Sad to report, but not only did I not meet my goal of making $20K more than I did last year, I fell short of making what we did last year by $10,000.

Does this hurt?  Yes.  I still owe $30K in bills (christmas, halloween and candles) and loans (a $5K loan from a friend) and I only have half of that in the bank.  I’m running the most competitive sale I have ever had (50% off) and it still isn’t bringing them in.  How about, buy one get one free or 60% off other things…. nope.  Still $5K in candles, just sitting there.  Ebay is my next avenue.

Of course the more popular collectibles are gone, which is good to see and remember for next christmas.  But, how am I going to pay off these bills?  I can’t order valentine’s or easter because I don’t have the money.  I’m stuck.  I’m stressed.  Good news is, I lost some weight because of the stress.

Back to the sale… if I’m selling things at COST, I’m still incurring overhead and I’m just paying to be here.  I need to do the math and see if giving it to good will would be a better write off.  Oh, and doing an inventory rough count… I have a LOT less inventory than originally thought.  Even if I liquidated everything at RETAIL price, I would only be making about $20K for the 5 years of struggling.

I am going to close my shop.  I can’t struggle this much, especially when people are scared of a recession, the writer’s strike etc.  I can’t keep up, but I gave it my best shot.  Five years of “barely making it” has caught up with me.

Some math:

Last year, we made $121,000.00 in sales.  Immediately take $60,000 of that and stick it onto inventory costs.  Okay, then rent and overhead… about $3200 a month.  That’s $38,400.  So, $60,000 + $38,400  = $98,400.  Therefore, approximately $22,600 was profit.  Well, I had to pay someone to help me… deduct about $5,000 = $17,600.   I took home roughly $12,000 leaving $5600 “floating”.  On paper we purchased more inventory items… or possibly, some of what sold was on sale so I didn’t make as much profit.  I make $1,000 a month.  And that’s average, if not “good”.  I can’t live on that.  And… back in 2006 I took out $20,000 in credit card loans to help pay for expenses.

And about my triple mental breakdowns throughout the season… Customers have been exceptionally rude, pushy, demanding AND cheap this year.  They want all items from the customer service triangle… FAST, CHEAP and GOOD (quality).  Usually, you can only pick two, so I’m told.  My favorite quote of the season, regarding my 11 am opening days on monday, tuesday, wednesday and thursday… “What is with that 11 o’clock shit???”  Because she would show up at 10:00 am several days in a row and “couldn’t figure out” our hours (Which are posted in 3 places).  Gee… then she paced for 20 minutes waiting for me (I RAN down the street to sit on a bench in the sun to avoid her) to giver her a discount because I did it once before 2 years ago on her Christmas purchase.  My helper didn’t give her a discount and saw through the drama.  Okay, so this is just one extreme, and we have 2% totally rude, 2% totally awesome and 96% average.  This year, for some reason, financial crunch perhaps, I had more rude and pushy than ever.

And just now… I mean, 10 seconds ago… a lady I haven’t been able to stand since 2001 at my street fairs… just AUDIBLY burped… she did say “excuse me” but she is sitting at the door yelling to her daughter inside the store to hurry up “haven’t you seen EVERYTHING you want to now?!?!”    Now she’s making faces because someone is speaking korean and she doesn’t like it.  GOOD LORD, where do these people come from??

So… I feel like it’s time to move on.  I’ve learned SO much and I’m so grateful for this experience but in order to grow, I need to close these doors and pursue another avenue.  I know I’m going to be a puddle on the floor the last week or two, but really… after this season, I can’t take it anymore.  And I know… without a doubt, that I did everything I could possibly do to make this a success.

I’m sad, but also relieved that this weight, this responsibility is going to end.  I’ll have the freedom to run my business from the internet without the overhead, liability and day-to-day stress… the interaction and endless stories of woe.  All done.

I have a few of my supporters who are going to be very upset when I go…. and I’ve been trying to comfort one of them.  She has been so encouraging, positive and even gave me a loan.  I feel guilty, but… I did what I could.  It’s time to go.

End of my rope…

Things I will not miss if I close the store:

1. Unmentionable things in the bathroom that stink up the place
2. messes in the bathroom or kids that are unsupervised
3. take that above scenario and then don’t buy anything or tell me you are going to another store
4. ants
5. returns from idiots who have to explain it to me in a 5 minute story
6. crazy people who return things for lame reasons
7. super cheap people who argue with me in broken english and won’t listen to me or pretend they don’t know what I’m saying
8. wanting my attention for the duration of their stay. especially when they are looking around for lots of gifts that are really special under $10.00
9. vendors calling for their money, and being rude about it
10. walk-in vendors wanting me to buy coupon books, coloring books or other crap
11. demanding customers who think they are my BEST customer therefore deserve my time and bending over backwards.
12. the disrespect. I’m everyone’s bitch. You’ll do anything to get someone’s business, right? They expect that.
13. “We came in to get ideas… bye!” Not one purchase.
14. “oooh… how are you doing here?” coupled with that “concerned face”
15. “Is this all you have? Are you getting anymore?” I can honestly say, out of all the stores on this side of the planet, I have the most christmas stuff.
16. coughing, sneezing then… “crash” noises… if you are sick, GO HOME.
17. My ex husband this, my mother or daughter that…. my back hurts, nobody loves me, yes but yes but… shut up, just shut up… I don’t care nor will I ever
18. NO DISCOUNTS. That one time maybe, but not anymore… come on…. are you that cheap? Are you that desperate? LEAVE.
19 “it SAYS 50% off!” It says UP TO 50% off and most things ARE 50% off. They leave. Learn how to read
20. leaky roof
21. “it’s cold”… “It’s hot” ugh It’s never the right temperature in here and they tell me about it.

What I’ll miss:

1. lots of boxes… goodies to unpack in huge amounts. Feeling rich with stuff.
2. setting up. Planning the display, putting it together late at night with awesome music.
3. standing back to enjoy the work and pat myself on the back
4. “this is the most amazing store I’ve ever been to! You should be so proud” (yes, I am)
5. Gift shows.
6. buying bags, bows, ribbon and making tags
7. saying I have a shop. Saying… “the shop”. everyone knows what that is. It’s its own island.
8. having a busy day with lots of money. Feeling optimistic that every day from there on out will be like that.

Making decisions has never come easy, but when your job feels like a prison, the decision is made for you! I was at the shop on Saturday and told [helpful cousin] I had to leave. The veins in my forehead were popping out, I couldn’t stop my leg from tapping in a very angry fashion and when I saw one of my cheap shoppers pull up (she insists I help her pick everything out as I get the entire biography of each person, down to their blood type and shoe size). When I saw her, I tore out the door. I loved being free and out in the sunshine. I almost didn’t go back. I can usually handle these people but this year… for some reason… I’ve really really had it. “Going postal” has new meaning to me, I now totally get it.

Therefore, the audible *ding* in my head has told me, it’s time to move on. Regardless of the fact that I’m 15K in the hole and figuring out how to smooth that over ain’t going to be easy, I just can’t do this anymore, my customers are insane and it’s making me go insane. This is a blessing because I was on the fence. I didn’t know what I wanted. Now, my physical being, each cell has told me… get the heck out of Dodge.

(some more complaining here)

Sorry to sound so much like Debbie Downer, but… this is what’s on the plate in the decision buffet lately. The emotional dessert tray is tres magnifique, too… but again… if you are an emotional diabetic, this is boring and skip it. Sorry for the metaphors, I love them.

Lastly, my huge fear is the plug on the emotions that I’ll be pulling out by closing. I’m sure I’ll be a wreck and at the very end I may have to get therapy since I’m so wrapped up in this emotionally. It’s unhealthy, but apparent to many who come in. It’s a good and bad thing. My heart and soul went into this, and now I’m going to tear it apart and sell it off, piece meal. My goal is to keep it together as this happens.