Never ending…

uphill battle with this store. every month has been worse than the last and I can’t make all my bills and as of today I’m 4 days late with the rent. I’m going to make it work via a line of credit with a credit card but ugh… all this credit out there in my name. Makes me so nervous.

I’m seeing more and more I need to drastically change the store or leave. I owe money all over the place and it’s taking a toll on my stomach lining. I have nightmares about it and I just worry about money constantly. Can’t sleep, the clown will eat me.

I’m doing my best to stay positive. I go through the motions of being positive as I drive into work… even sometimes sarcastic “I’m so glad that woman wore bright pink today and didn’t hit me with her car!” I’m reading self-help and positive thinking, laws of attraction etc and so on… I have yet another one to read today. My brain is in knots. I know what I need to do and I feel I’m fighting it. I think I need to close. The thought is just so sad… depressing. This would mean we would probably move. I could go get a 9-6 job. I wouldn’t be happy, but I could do it just to stay here. What I really want is to own the building my business is in… work on building equity in that and have very very loose hours. I can’t do that here. I miss even ONE day and I don’t make rent. That’s a lot of pressure.

I’ve been having such odd ducks in here. My regulars have disappeared. I’ve sent out the latest flyer… I think that will help. Why so much negativity? Many theories say you attract what you put out there. Where do I pull this positive energy from? How do I line everything up so I can smile at every dumb question that comes my way? Every insult, every request including “I wanna put my stuff on consignment in here, I’ve been coming since you FIRST opened!” Why does everyone seem to think they have a claim on this place? I nailed in all these nails by hand. I smashed numerous fingers, spent countless hours, painted every piece of furniture… hours and hours and sweat and MY credit and MY interest.

what a day… feeling sorry for myself then a customer comes in and her 12 year old has had a leukemia relapse and is going to spend the next 2 1/2 years undergoing treatments.

One book I read last night said you should take what you earn and break it down this way:
50% go to necessities
10% goes in to a retirement fund or savings that cannot be touched
10% into an investment pot
10% spend on whatever you want at the end of each month
10% to “give” away to charity or other people (huh?)
10% I can’t remember

Does this apply if you owe $74K on credit cards and student loans at an average of 8% interest (oh, and another 16K on a car loan)?

He said you should be fully aware of your financial situation and give it energy even if you don’t think you can stretch it or change it. that the universe will give you money when it knows you can handle it. Also, anything you give energy to will get bigger.

I’m going to try it. goody. I used to do that… I guess it could help. It’s also frustrating to see how much interest you are giving it each month. Oh well, suck it up, do it.

As far as the store… how do I get more money in here? think positively, set daily goals, find free marketing…

I spend the hours of 10am – 6pm on store stuff. Then I go home, eat, walk the dog and spend about another 4-6 hours on selling merchandise, blogging, reading self help shit… that’s approx. 13 hrs per day of store stuff… to try and change the store. How much more should I do?