The needy squad…

“I need a gift. It should be really thoughtful and perfect! But I can only spend $10. My friend likes tea, dolphins, teddy bears, hearts, the letter ‘Q’, purple and Mahjong”. After about 10 minutes of walking around making umpteen hundred suggestions, I totally gave up. And she was surprised that I gave up. I can’t make sense of it.

Call me crazy but I don’t own a store so I can entertain an 8 year old who is supposed to care for a toddler strapped into a carrier placed inches from me for some reason. Said toddler was screaming at the top of his lungs and instead of tending to her son, the mother yelled at the 8-year old daughter to take care of “it” from another room. And, being female, most other females assume I would just jump at the chance to cuddle with a baby. Actually, no. A baby’s cry doesn’t send me into lactating fits, it actually makes me want to drink. Heavily. I feel bad for these kids. At least, from my deep conversation with the 8-year old, she is primed for a life in show business because she likes to sing. A lot. Maybe she thought I was auditioning because boy, she had a lot of spunk this afternoon. Oh, and she’s good at performing while distracted, too. Hell, if I was in her position I would whisk myself off to the world of make-believe, too. I love it when people tell their kids to take care of their other kids… frequently. Awesome.

The world is used to those Hallmark commercials where the neglected house-ridden house-coat wearing nice old lady is cheered up by the neighbor who puts a hot meal and a Hallmark card on her doorstep and runs away. The old lady opens the door and looks around, picking up the basket slowly and retreats into the house. She gets inside and opens the card and all of America starts reaching for the kleenex. Heck, I even well up when I see that. Even when re-telling the story of the nice neighbor I ooze kittens… “She got her soup and some mushy food with a card with a little birdie on it and… *I burst into tears*” Little do they know that the old lady is alone because she has completely driven her family away because she is evil and drowns puppies. I know I’m a cynic. I’m okay with it. I work in the world of thoughtful gifts and gift wrapping. I know what people are saying as they pick out a delightfully sweet gift for someone. A lot of times, they aren’t happy to be spending money on someone other than themselves. They aren’t happy while they are shopping… they are bitter. And being the sensitive a-hole that I am… I soak it all up… like a sponge. But, I digress…

Two heavy smokers came in… the store reeks of tobacco. One was super lonely and spent 20 minutes telling me and another unwilling customer her entire family history and how she video taped her grandmother’s stories that she told while in the late stages of dementia. She starts crying. I hugged her. This is not the first time I’ve hugged a stranger in my store. She wants to put together a video for the family of grandma telling stories and not making sense. Wow. Just. Wow. This isn’t in the top 3 most upsetting stories I have heard while behind my counter. But it’s up there. I think my top three involve death or killing… a confession of a vehicular death, a re-telling of how a young son passed away and one picture of a child in a hospital bed moments before he passed. Forever… it is stuck in my mind. These poor souls.

On the flip side, I’ve been told amazing stories of miracles and unconditional love. Children calling 911 and saving lives, babies surviving against the odds and car accidents with porn stars that shouldn’t have ended well, but they did. I’ve encountered so many new people, and they all shared their stories with me. A curse and a blessing.

Anyway… immediately after the intense moment and free counseling the phone rings…
“Hi, this is So-and-so, you should remember me… remember that christmas tree with the little snow buckets you had last year that you sold me? Do you have another one? And I need a snow person, do you have more of those?”

Need to snap back into gift store mode. But. Huh? What snow person? Who is this? I do have more than 5 customers.

The questions today get more vague and stupider every time I answer the phone. As long as the voldemorts don’t come in, I’m safe.