Dear demanding impatient eye-rolling customer with horrible attitude,

I realize that your child cannot sit still for 3 minutes and that you have to leave her in your vehicle with the engine running so she can have the air conditioning and DVD player for entertainment in said SUV. I also understand that you had to prop our front door open and stand at it to watch the car because it may roll down the hill and burst into flames…

But really, do you think you can stop barking orders from your post at the door? My other customers are looking at you funny and they may obtain bad habits from watching you. And, you are letting the air conditioning spill out.

I cannot bring you one item at a time and let you inspect it at the door, especially while our phones are ringing and other customers are asking me questions. I appreciate your business, so I wrapped everything up for you and brought it to your car with your credit card receipt to sign while you were now sitting in your vehicle (I apologize for the convenience)… you then asked about our return policy with a sour look on your face. Seems that one of the large items I spent 15 minutes getting down off the ceiling may not work in your daughter’s new pretty princess room. “You see, she likes blue and this item is periwinkle. We live far away and my husband won’t like it and I may have to get the other one so can you hold it for a week?”

I know that I am a moron and give terrible service but when I told you I couldn’t hold something for more than 2 days you got irritated with me. We aren’t walmart and I’m not in business to lend highly breakable things out for the weekend and have you return them at your leisure. Why is that hard to understand?

yours truly,
usually highly motivated customer service person who has reached her limit with YOU