Store Rants

Polymer Clay… an epic retrospective journey…

It’s 1993… I’m enjoying a good bottle of strawberry kiwi Snapple and listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers or Pearl Jam… possibly wearing a flannel… you probably were, too.

I’m fiddling with Fimo, a polymer clay that you can mold and bake. At the time, it was being made into little plain shapes or you could mold several colors together to make “canes”. I tried both. (Please note, all the following images are NOT things I made… all of my creations are looong gone)

The first thing I made… cliche little red and white polka dot mushroom necklaces. My friends think it’s pretty neat. So, I buy a book on the world of Fimo to dive in deeper.
	Two blocks of color turn into several dozen… had to have every color.
Normally with Fimo, you take individual blocks of color and put them together to make large “canes” of one design that you slice. One cane could take you hours and hours to WEEKS of work to make. You then had that one design to work with until you ran out of that cane. So, you would make as many canes as you could and have a library of images to “slice” from.
	You can make simple mosaic pattern canes…

Or get into some really ornate canes… like this dragon here…

So, I’m deeply obsessed with Fimo at this point in 1993-1995. I’m making Fimo canes and slicing them and sticking slices of said canes onto anything that doesn’t move. Frames, light switch plate covers and other assorted home decor things. Mushrooms, stars, moon faces… lots of celestial beings and sunflowers. A local shop sells my things on consignment… I did pretty well with it.

Then, all of a sudden, Fimo beads start emerging covered in psychedelic patterns and icons. It went hand-in-hand with macrame hemp jewelry. It was showing up all over Lalapalooza, head shops and frankly, it was everywhere besides the cute boutiques I sold my items at. So, at that time, Fimo lost it’s fizzle for me.

After my kneading fingers couldn’t knead any longer (I never did get the pasta maker to flatten and roll out the stuff for me) and I was a bit turned off by the new Fimo movement, I started working with Fimo’s softer, lazier cousin, Sculpey. Sculpey became my friend. I started making little sculptures, ornaments, book covers, figures, jewelry and other little things. Sculpey was great because I would roll it out, add shapes, bake it, sand it, then paint and seal it. I used soft pastel colors and I had the flexibility to change designs and add things you just couldn’t do with Fimo. I made tons of rosettes and three dimensional things. It was pretty great!

Sculpey came in a larger box. It was plain white and oh-so-soft compared to Fimo.

Of course the art of Fimo canes reached China and you can find cheaper designs all over the place. In finished beads, pre-made canes that you slice yourself. Apparently (I’ve been out of the loop so long), they even sell canes of different designs for use on acrylic nails. There’s even Chanel Fimo slices available. How about that.

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I think my favorite Fimo use has been miniatures. Mini food things for jewelry, doll houses, etc. The work here is really impressive!

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I’m not a fan of “serious” grown-up Fimo jewelry. I like the whimsical stuff. But this bracelet and necklace set… is impressive:

Admittedly, I’m completely intimidated by all of the above Fimo work. You have to have some amazing skill, tiny tools, great hands and GREAT vision to accomplish that stuff. But it may be a fun challenge to tackle? Upon further investigation however, the mini food pieces sell for under $10.00, jewelry pieces sell up to $50.00 but… not much over that. That’s a LOT of work for $10.00.

And Sculpey… I found a few fun things made of the stuff (the rest was mostly dragon sculptures):

I haven’t picked up polymer clay in years… until recently. I was asked to participate in an art show and I decided to use Sculpey. It was food-themed, whimsical and a little silly. I did a few sculptures and some jewelry in the theme of the Art Show. It was received well, although only a few pieces sold (and they didn’t sell for very much). There’s this optimistic voice deep down inside me that says… “do mixed-media art sculptures! One-of-a-kind folk art pieces!” But alas… not sure if that’s the direction I want to go in?

So, as far as bringing polymer clay back into my business plan… hmmm. Buy it in bulk and sculpt all day long? I don’t think so. The time spent vs. the money made using the stuff doesn’t seem to pay off. I’ve seen a lot of work done with it that is phenomenal, but… are there buyers for such a thing? I’m not going to put it away completely, but I don’t want to spend 8 hours a day with it either. Perhaps… as a hobby?

Fimo… I love you, but I’m not in love with you.

p.s… cool polymer clay review & idea blog: Craft Gossip

I’ve worked in the retail gift and home decor industry most of my life. I have many years under my belt as a buyer and merchandiser and have a passion for creating beautiful displays. I have also sold my handcrafted “it” for many many years. I followed trends, whims and whatever seemed fun at the time. Jewelry, bath products, furniture, paper products and so much in-between… I could never focus on one thing. The “it” evolved and changed as I did.

With my brick and mortar closed, the economy helping to slam those doors, I took some time to wallow in self-defeat and wonder what went wrong. I have opinions, but I can’t be sure.

We are flooded with things that are made in China and although the prices are excellent, we’re not getting a lot of unique things anymore. What you see at Target is also at Walmart, Home Goods, Big Lots, Macy’s and it’s also in those sweet little retail boutiques that are becoming an endangered species. The lines of “exclusive”, “unique”, “limited edition” and “designer” have been blurred, mass marketed, ripped off and licensed out to death. China can reproduce something in the blink of an eye for a fraction of the cost.

Before I opened my store, I sold in a little portable ten foot by ten foot booth at street fairs… outdoors, under the sun. Dirt, children with sticky fingers… kettle corn and Peruvian flute music abound. I felt like a modern day gypsy. I made the majority of everything under that EZ-up. There was a lot of pride in that, and a whole lot of work, too.

After a year of tortured bliss owning my very own store, I realized… hey… I could BUY more things and sell them for a profit! Handmade is great, but… how am I going to fill this space, all by myself? So… that’s when I got 1000 square feet of “Made in China” merchandise. Most of my customers didn’t seem to notice… or care… why should I? My deep respect for handmade was sort of… squashed. Why pay ten times as much for something that looks almost identical… but it’s made in China? Made by me or made in the USA didn’t matter anymore. At the time, to me, a full store was a happy store. I no longer had to struggle to keep up with my inventory demands or care where it came from. End of story.

All eco-landfill-social-global-economy-buy-american rants aside… why wouldn’t you want to save money? Why wouldn’t you want to have the newer and shinier… and get in some much-needed retail therapy time? As a store owner… why wouldn’t I want to showcase the new gotta-have-its and make my customers happy? It made sense. Everyone was pleased (yet, a wee bit ignorant).

So… now that we’ve maxed out our credit cards and filled our storage bins with SO much stuff… how could we ever go back? Have less things? How do we start respecting the handmade again? Smaller quantities… keep for a lifetime, not a season… supporting our local friends. There is a culture and a movement going on but… I was queen of consumer whore-ism… how do I change my ways? How do I convince my customers to change their ways? How do I not look like a total hippie? I’d like to buy handmade as well as BE that handmade vendor that people want to buy from because I’d rather not be a hypocrite, thank you very much.

So, I’d like to be a better/different consumer. I’d also like to be a better/different supplier/vendor. But I have NO idea where to start. I guess I’ll start with what I sell. I’m liquidating everything I didn’t make myself on ebay and I’m going to start fresh. A new look, a new philosophy. Ugh. I’m completely overwhelmed.

With that all said, I’m on a quest to find a new handmade medium to pursue. Over the course of my life I’ve worked with so many different types of arts, crafts and materials, but I feel like I have not mastered any one thing. So, I’m going to re-visit my crafting history… one medium at a time… and investigate its trends, popularity, appeal, longevity, profit potential and basically educate myself (and you!) and/or convince myself if this is the direction I’d like to go in. I will investigate a new medium every week. Here I go!

This economy sucks.

I’ve been in retail for… oh wow… 18 years. I have to say, this last holiday and everything that followed was the WORST on record (for me, anyway).

I ordered 1/4 of what I normally order for Halloween/Fall/Christmas and I only ordered from 2 of my favorite vendors. I still have 75% of that inventory from one of those vendors (who is usually quite popular, I might add!). It’s so irritating.

On a normal “slower” year I would just throw that on the Bank of America Business Mastercard and throw the inventory in storage for the next year, but wouldn’t-you-know-it, BofA cut my credit last year. As did Citibank… on both of my accounts.

My credit is excellent, I just bought a house… but my credit limits have been cut, every single minimum payment has gone up and my APR’s have doubled.

And now… I’m inventory poor. That’s right, I’m full of santas, jack o’ lanterns and snowman sh*t, but… I can’t pay for it. The vendor is trying to work with me as we speak… but… it’s June. Very very irritating.

This year I sold at craft shows, on my website, via Amazon, ebay and etsy. I’m paying SO much in store fees on Amazon and ebay… ugh.

So, time to restructure my business. When it started in the late 80′s we mostly did handmade items, then we went to brick and mortar retail and furniture… guess it’s time to get back to handmade? I did dozens and dozens of craft shows every year for almost a decade. Lugging my stuff around in rubbermaid containers from the mountains to the coast to the Masonic Temples on the edge of town. Tagging, putting up and taking down. Wow. Makes me really love the internet* (I’ll revisit this later). In any case, I can use my hands again. But I might need new glasses.

Time to dust off the ol’ glue gun, too.

Jumping back into the world of handmade has been… frustrating. I have experience in SO many mediums, I know my crafting world… but the new world of etsy and those Rock n’ Shops and the Craft Mafias… well, I’m intimidated.

Gorgeous 20 and 30-something moms with their bangs, cat-eyed glasses, handmade smocks and covered in tattoos… I have no idea how to compete.

My usual customer is in her mid to late 40′s or 50′s and loves vintage in a way that her pocketbook can express. These girls that are buying at the “new” craft show want up-cycled, re-cycled, gluten-free, fair-trade, proceeds-given-to-charity, lead-free, baby-proof felted pieces of WONDER for under $15.00. In a perfect world, I would LOVE this idea… but how in the hell will this pay my mortgage?

So… I’m staring into the dawn of a new crafting age. Do I stay-the-course and do what I know, hoping that my 40 and 50-something regulars will find me online (most haven’t heard of etsy), that the 20 and 30-somethings will appreciate AND pay for my offerings… or do I put on the power suit and enter the 9-5 workplace?

I’m a gypsy at heart… I really want to adapt. I’m going to try my hand at evolving… perhaps I’ll start with some gills.

A little fluffy… but that’s okay… (article comes via sellinghalloween.com)

Make It Gory
By Joseph Dobrian, Contributing Editor

When the stock market tumbled in the fall of 2008, costume sales remained relatively strong, but Halloween decor sales suffered, and suppliers fear that as the recession continues, decor will continue to struggle at retail – particularly pricier products. And although outdoor decor has been the focus of shoppers’ attention for the past few years, sales of indoor decor seem to be holding up better as shoppers tighten their budgets.

Suppliers say that price is a major consideration for Halloween decor shoppers, especially now, when budgets are tight. “Expensive outdoor decor is what’s suffering,” says Scott Wentworth, vice president of marketing for Paper Magic. “What is selling for us is inexpensive indoor products that offer bang for the buck. Our ‘Spooky Scenes,’ for example, let you convert your living room into a Halloween dungeon for less than $50.”

Wentworth reports that he also has high hopes for “Window Smashers,” a line in which Halloween characters appear to be crashing through a wall or window. Also attracting attention from buyers, according to Wentworth, are “motionactivated items, some with sound, like a candy bowl with a rat’s tail, which features a squeaking rat sound.” Wentworth reports that his company’s line has gotten a bit more gory for 2009. “We have the Saw license, which is about as gory as it gets,” he notes. “We’ve introduced a line of Saw body parts that look like they’ve been dead or waterlogged for some time. One major trend I’ve noticed in Halloween decor is towards more realism. Scenes are more realistic, less cartoonish, very detailed. That’s been a trend for a long time.”

Shelli Lissick, spokesperson for Midwest/Seasons of Cannon Falls, also emphasizes the price-consciousness of the current market. “We’re seeing an increased demand for more sophisticated, yet affordable, Halloween decor that makes a big impact,” she notes, citing Midwest’s new chalkboard witch, wall-decal sets and Halloween LED magnets as examples of products that are attracting attention currently.

Lissick lists green witches, skeletons and skull-and-crossbones images as popular themes among trendy Halloween consumers. “Skeletons and skulls are a classic for Halloween, but they’ve made their way into the mainstream as a popular icon in fashion, jewelry and even punk-influenced home decor,” says Lissick. “Thanks to this influence, they have made their way to the height of popularity in Halloween decor, too.” As for green witches, which adorn a number of Midwest’s new Halloween products, Lissick traces their popularity directly to the Broadway musical Wicked, which was hugely popular among teenagers and young adults.

Phil Talio, sales manager at Fun World, says that, in general, the more gory and scary a decor product is, the better it will sell, and, he notes, even mass merchandisersand supermarkets are starting to carry more daring products. “They are getting a little more risque,” he says. “For years, it was taboo to have the image of a rat in a place where food was sold, but that’s less the case now. Still, it’s the specialty stores and drugstores that do better with scary products.”

One trend for 2009, Talio predicts, will be “making your house look like a cemetery.” Fun World is ready with skulls, headstones and zombie characters. Says Talio, “Our ‘Ground Breaker’ is a zombie or skeleton that looks like it’s coming out of the ground. We produced a basic model some years back; the new model features lighting and movement – and it screams.”

Gail Weiner, vice president of Penn Distributing, also voices concern about price points, and says this challenge is prompting her company to move toward lower-priced items and less season-specific decor.

“It’s easy for a consumer to justify a $10 item,” she says, “but it’s harder to justify a $100 purchase, or even $50. It’s also easier to justify the cost of an item you can display from September 1st through Thanksgiving. Therefore, we’re going in the direction of harvest and autumn themes.”

Weiner notes that the one product category that shoppers seem willing to pay more for is LED-lighted decor. She explains that consumers are becoming more educated about the ecological and practical benefits of the technology and are choosing LED-lighted products over lower-priced alternatives. “We’re putting LED technology into items that sell well at lower price points, like window decorations,” she says.

Marjorie Reed, director of product development at Roman, Inc., reports that her company offers Halloween novelties and yard art but that Roman’s Halloween night-lights continue to be its most popular Halloween collection. //

I feel like the biggest jackass.

Why?

Well, upon our arrival to this coast we met a nice young couple. They were super sweet and super fun and super perfect for us. We fell in love.

During the “Disneyland” period, or honeymoon phase, we decided to open an online business with them. That would be FANTASTIC! Yay, super high five. Through all of the cautionary tales of friendships and relationships gone bad due to business, we promised we would keep the business and friendship completely separate! So easy to vomit out such a sentiment so easily.

February 2009- Set up business ideas. They have the idea, we have the website building skills. My dh starts building a website using their art.

April 2009 – Hold the phone, they want a completely different order page on the website (d’oh), going to set us back a few months.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch… the missus of said couple starts getting frantic and calling me weekly, if not tri-weekly… she recently got laid off (her hubby laid off last fall) and they are very very concerned that the website isn’t up! Why aren’t we working faster, what’s the hold up… “we are TRAPPED!” She says as she bursts into tears over our ladies-who-lunch caesar salads. “Doesn’t your husband know that he’s doing all the hard work NOW, but when we get the website, we’ll be pounding the pavement and our little fingers will be bleeding with all the phone calls and emails we’ll be sending!” She tells me with intensity… I’m telling you Meryl Streep would have been proud! I feel their worry and run back to my husband… “work faster!!! I don’t care about your 40-50 hour a week JOB, THEY need you to step it up a notch!!!” I continue to elbow him as she noodles me (I find that funny). He’s starting to resent me and her… immensely.

August 2009 – DH and I are in the process of moving, but we hand them a website… which took him 200+ hours start to finish. Over the course of the month, we work on adding art and other assorted items.

September 2009 – Google adwords are put into place. Our friends announce that they may be moving 4 hours north. They’re busy working out the details. Not much being done on the business, we cut them a break.

Early October 2009 – Google adwords need tweaking, but not much is happening over on their end. We call a meeting… once again, she is frantic “We need a blog! OMG, we need to have a blog or we’ll be homeless!!!!” Because see, they are both still unemployed and they are hinging their lives on this business. My dh takes a few hours and sets up a blog.

November 2009 – We don’t hear from them for a few weeks. No blog posts on their end… We give them the benefit of the doubt. DH and I add a few blog posts to the blog.

Early December 2009 – Still nothing. We haven’t heard from them, but according to facebook they are doing a lot of traveling, she is selling a bunch of stuff on ebay, they’re participating in craft shows and they love to go to thrift stores.

Late December 2009 – We announce that we might want out of the business if they aren’t into it because clearly, they aren’t doing much. We give them an “out” to dissolve the business. They maintain that they are involved, just distracted… and we hug and make up and get pumped up for 2010.

End of December 2009 – Meeting to discuss their involvement with a search engine optimization meetup.com group. The leader of the group gave them great ideas on how to get our rankings up in google. My husband winces at all of the suggestions because they all suck, in his opinion (although, he has been known to be an internet elitist, but I don’t blame him). He’s been doing this for 10 years, and the suggestions given were… how would you say… very elementary. Instead of discussing it like 50/50 partners and having a vote, she insists that it should be done because “We need to throw shit on the wall to see if it sticks… if you cared about the business, you would just do it”. Umm… yes, and this would make the website look like shit, too. So, nerves are on edge, tension is high. Meanwhile, she’s calling my husband “their programmer”, instead of “our partner” to everyone. Another clue that we were low on their totem pole.

Early January 2010 – Another meeting after a search engine optimization meetup.com meeting, which we are never invited to. They come over for dinner and explain to my husband that we need to make all these changes to the order form because the fellow at the SEO meetup said that we needed to move it up 10 pixels, or whatever. (Oh, and at this meeting, they see our November blog posts at our house… “oh, you blogged!” This was another indicator that… wow, they weren’t even looking at their own website that they want to make dozens of changes to). So, my husband agrees, and we start setting up the changes. Husband from team B is emailing us with the art, but only after my husband had to nudge him over the course of 3 days. At this point, my husband had just about had enough and announced to me that he wanted to cut the cord.

Middle of January 2010 – So… here we are… taking 3 hour walks to discuss if we want to stay with the business or not. My husband is done done done. Not getting the art back from husband B, after all the drama, was enough to put him over the edge. So, we send them an email saying we want out… dissolve or buy us out.

This is when it got ugly. It usually does when you corner a sleeping bear and wake him up to tell him that he is a lazy bum. I guess the bear wouldn’t have to be sleeping… whatever, my metaphor holds no water. Long story short, I was the ambassador for our team, I went over to their place to smooth things over because I still liked them, but didn’t want to work with them. After 70 minutes of grumpy bear talk, as I sat their crying like a baby from frustration, I realized husband B was no longer going to be my business partner… or friend. I was on the fence about being friends with the wife because she sat there as he threw insults and mud at me. She claims I was being too sensitive. I’m not sure about that. Oh, but she did bring me kleenex and a glass of water as I was crying, so she gets a gold star for that.

It still isn’t clear if they were both lazy, if he lied to her about all the work he should have been doing or if they were completely misguided… but… after we did our part and delivered a website, they did not do their part. They had a bucket load of excuses, but… they claimed they called 30 people, didn’t visit one client and they sent about 20 emails. Over the course of 5 months. Oh, and they went to three meetups to discover changes needed to be made to the website… aka, work for my husband to do. My husband gave up his nights and weekends… they gave up nothing. Oh, and they are still unemployed.

Bitter? Yes. I trusted them. Immensely. BUT, I learned a lesson. I urge you to think long and hard before you go into business with anyone, it can get ugly.

The resolution? Instead of getting 50% of the business, or 10% of the business… (back and forth email bickering was getting old) we ended up handing them the website along with a 30 page list of how to migrate it (It had been hosted for free on my husband’s server for the last year). So, in the end… they got a free website along with clear instructions on how to run it… we ended up with nothing (a little debt, some worthless business cards) but we learned a valuable lesson.

My husband is back to his ol’ self and I’m SO happy to have him back with less stress in his life. He has deleted their info from his life, I’m still working on pulling that plug, but… in this situation, I don’t know if I can separate business and friendship… as we promised we would a year ago. It’s really sad.

Do not form a business with new friends (or friends you don’t know well… hell, just don’t form a business with anyone, really), HAVE A BUSINESS PLAN that is bulletproof, if you see signs of waning excitement… pull out and above all… keep your emotions out of it. (Again, a wonderous opinion from the hypocrite here).

I was at the nail place yesterday getting my toes done, and the lady who was working on said toes is the new owner. She is young, in her late 20′s, and has been running the store, alone, with her husband since last June. As the massage chair worked magic on my lower back, she went off on her own rant.

She declared that all of her customers were rude. Especially the ladies from New York. That they snap at her when she’s only trying to be nice and say nasty things to her. “It ruined my day and I had nightmares all night… why are they so mean?” She was whimpering a little bit as she said this to me.

My nail lady works 7 days a week. She has 2 young children and a lazy husband who sleeps on the tweezing table as she works the front. She’s coming to the end of her rope.

My advice to her? Leave for 2 weeks. Let hubby deal with the madness, drop the kids off with a sitter… take off and sleep for 2 weeks solid. Upon her return, see if she still had the entrepreneurial spirit. Who cares if they lose business. She is losing her mind and it’s apparent to all that see her and the multiple bags under her eyes. I saw something similar to this while in CA. Owner dropped his wife off at their juice/coffee bar at 6 am… he did godknowswhat, but his ass wasn’t at the store, while she made smoothies until 9pm. SEVEN days a week. AND she had a 2 year old at home that she barely spent time with. (Ladies, this is the definition of a prick/douche… take note). Smoothie place went down in flames… huh… I wonder why?

My 2nd piece of advice? DO NOT admit to your customers that you are the owner.

I used to take pride in the fact that my store was mine… “Why yes, yes… this magnificent palace is mine… BEHOLD the perfect that is my store!” Sometimes, I would gush on and on… then one day a lady marched in with a problem. A problem I couldn’t solve, even if I wanted to (She was koo-koo)… she looked at me cross eyed and moaned “BUT YOU are the OWNER!”

crapshitf*ck.

This became more and more common as queen put-foot-in-mouth here shouted from the hills that I owned a store. Customers didn’t want to deal with my helper, they wanted to deal with her royal highness. I started resenting it daily.

So, you young spring chickens wanting a brick and mortar… remember this… SHUT UP.

Oh, and don’t take things personally, it will eat you up inside. (Said like a true hypocrite).

that is all.

Wait… the sun sets on the other side of me? what?

I’d like to say I’m delighted to be here and every moment is a morsel of joy… but I’m still getting acclimated to this coast.

I don’t despise it here, but I don’t feel like I fit in just right or just yet. And it’s not an east coast thing… it’s a ME not in California thing… although, the stepford factor is a tad higher here and it’s freaky, but I do have the minivan so it’s like my suburban camouflage.

Everyone has been awesome with love, hugs, dinner and distractions… so, thank you. But, will someone tell my subconscious that we’re done moving for now? I have hours and hours of dreams of waking up in different places and not knowing where I am. Sort of like those closet doors in Monsters, inc. Another side note… the stress fallout is doing a number on the body. Seems like anything I do… exercise, stress etc catches up with me exactly 3 weeks later. It’s freaky. I lose weight in 3 week spurts, have good mental health 3 weeks after exercising and any stress finds me in 3 weeks. So, things on me are broken and I’ll have to have a grand re-opening later, please excuse the mess.

I’m going to give it another month before I run screaming to delta.com to get a plane ticket. Then, in a year, if this doesn’t feel like home I’m moving back. But, a lot can happen in a year. Just as a lot can happen in a few weeks.

Thanks to the wonders of having awesome friends, I have been offered 2 art gigs, one design gig and I’m painting a stool. Oh, and I’m making a bunch of stuff for someone else, too.

Point is, the store leaves and the vacuum of time and space fills it with other stuff. Thank you vacuum and thank you friends

Now… to get used to this whole “new state” thing. And, find a starbucks that can make a good freaking macchiato. dammit.

P.S… Store landlord refuses to give me my $2000 deposit back. Claims the $175 worth of crappy fluorescent lighting I took down set him way back. Oh, and the new tenant that I sent his way gets one free month’s rent because they are gutting the place and I should have to pay for that. Ummm… when we got it, there were rodents living in there and we dropped thousands upon thousands of dollars cleaning it up. The roof leak, the insurance guy… all the problems and I took the TIME to clean it up RIGHT when I left… and I still don’t get the deposit back. I wish harm in the form of explosive diarrhea. That is all.

drove past the store… new paper up up the windows signifying the exciting happenings inside, to be revealed later…. tears. I’m like a big baby… jealous and sad that the toy isn’t mine now. All that work, the hours spent in there… the packing peanuts alone. She belongs to someone else now.

Have I mentioned that moving is like pulling your intestines out through your nose? Okay, well, not really… but… ugh. There is stuff EVERYWHERE. I couldn’t find the dog this morning and I kept calling her… a bag had fallen over and she was stuck in the kitchen between a box of soda from the store, the portable dishwasher and this evil bag. Seriously… what do you do with all of this?!? I stand in the middle of it, bewildered… where does it go? What can I do with it? What is “it”? Do I need 2 caulking guns, kneepads, a wood planer, 1000 postcards from halloween 2006… what do I keep? Where is clean sweep when I need them?

(HEY, does anyone like cream soda and BOOZE in sep. bottles of course, but COME GET IT)

Should I just give up hope on our security deposits and leave it all?

Been listening to “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle on my ipod. Oprah told me to. Trying so hard to stay positive, take things for what they are, not resist, stay light… enjoy it all. Take good with bad in stride… right?

Does your body have a physical reaction to change inside? I feel so wiped out, weepy, sick… when I hear these things about the ego and not letting it take over… that your thoughts aren’t who you are, it’s your ego… I got physically ill. Then, I started thinking some of this… the pain body thing… I don’t know if I can relate to that.  Grain of salt.

Anywho… trying to stay focused, not get overwhelmed by all of this… stay organized (because I don’t know where mail is going, where anything from the store is… let alone a roll of tape…)

With this new thinking, I’m supposed to let the past go and just be. “The present is the most beautiful gift we can have” and all that jazz. Not to carry any weight from the past because it will just weigh us down, and on the same token, not to obsess on the future. Well, what if we carried that without knowing for 20-something years then just realized it was there? Can’t I stop, evaluate my passenger and figure out what to do with him? Chinese proverbs aside… this turning the other cheek thing… going to take some getting used to. But… sigh, it all makes sense. I get it. And you feel like you’ve known it all along. You DID have it inside you. Someone wise, forgiving, clean and… simple… is in you. You have a very chaotic little drama-loving child inside you, and a super wise and quiet adult. Time to let the adult put that kid to bed.

Being. My being. underneath it all. That sunrise… connection. I feel it. It’s just buried. It’s like a depeche mode song in an 80′s movie… dramatic and overly synthesized. Chemicals… hair… too much fabric. Just TOO much.

(Consequently, I didn’t finish listening to the entire book… I don’t know if you’ve read it all… but it starts out good, then gets a little Sci-Fi on you… I didn’t like it.  I may pick it up again later)

Yesterday was the last day open… ever. I mean it… no c/c machine, no logos on the window, no more…

Again, I tried my darndest to get upset and nostalgic, but it just wouldn’t happen. I think there is a rain delay.

That was funny…. tears… rain delay. bah.

What else… just figuring out what I’m going to do with all the leftover stuff and how I’m going to get it from point A to point B.

Then, after purging said stuff how are we going to get the rest of that stuff from point B to point C.

Not as overwhelmed as I thought… which is disturbing.